My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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