i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
