i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
