She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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