To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
