I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
