ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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