I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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