I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
