i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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