I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
