Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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