Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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