I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
