Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
