THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
