You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
