Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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