Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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