He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
