I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Please don't give away my fajitas
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
