i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
