i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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