my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
