Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
