I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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