My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Randomize
