I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
