Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
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