Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
