i think my tv is drunk
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Randomize
