He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
