I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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