I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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