Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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