we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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