Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
