Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
