Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
