It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
