There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm always down for nudity.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
