i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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