watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
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Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
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I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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