Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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