So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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