brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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