And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
