When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
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I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
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Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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