I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
