I just cut my nipple shaving
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
