Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
