I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
