i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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