just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
