i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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