i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
