I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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