I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
