I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
