Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
