Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
