Cold hands, warm shart.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
