i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
