Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
