I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
