So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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