The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
