so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
